New Word For The Day
Adam here. I witnesses an interesting phenomenon at FedEx this morning, which led me to coin a new word that I think everyone should start using: futilitard.
fu·til·i·tard [fyoo-til-i-tard]
-noun, plural -tards. From the combination of the words futiltiy and retard.
1. An individual who continues to doggedly pursue an objective that has been established as having no chance of success.
2. An individual who does not understand the phrase, "pick your battles."
-adjective form: futilitardity
The story behind this new word:
There was a minor argument between my brother, who started working across the conveyor belt from me a few weeks ago, and one of the Quality Assurance (QA) guys who tapes up packages that were apparently packed by mentally handicapped monkeys and have broken open at some point during the shipping process. Anyway, once the QA guy tapes up the damaged boxes, he typically throws them back on the raised platform that the package handlers walk on while loading delivery trucks. Today, the QA guy decided to throw a couple of said boxes directly in Kacy's path as he was trying mightily to catch up with a really large amount of boxes coming down the conveyor belt. This impeded Kacy's progress and frustrated him, of course. These particular QA-fixed boxes needed to go all the way back to the beginning of the conveyor belt, while Kacy and I work at the very end of the belt. So Kacy told the QA guy to take the boxes to the beginning of the belt rather than expecting one of us to set aside our already backed-up work in order to schlep the boxes all the way up to the front of the belt. The QA guy did what all of the QA people that I have met there do: he copped a major attitude and started to tell Kacy to pick up the box and take it back up the belt. All the while, Kacy was still trying desperately to cope with the unrelenting stream of packages coming down the belt that he needed to load.
Somewhat understandably, Kacy got annoyed and stubborn, saying that he was not going to take the fixed boxes back up the belt, and that the QA guy could do it himself. I have also become really annoyed about being asked to do something that could wait while I am in the middle of a flood of boxes coming down the belt at me. I am going to try to abbreviate the story now. Kacy dug in his heels, the QA guy started yelling, Kacy yelled back, the QA guy started cursing at him, Kacy insulted him back, QA guy challenged Kacy to "settle this outside," Kacy tried to not laugh in his face, and the QA guy went off to find a manager to tattle to.
The managers have far better things to do than deal with snotty package handler attitudes and QA guy power trips, so they told the QA guy to take it up with the guy supervising our line (Eric). QA guy came back and essentially was saying that Kacy was going to get his hash settled now that management was involved. At this point, I couldn't stand the idiocy anymore and I intervened with a general, "WHO CARES?!?!?" I schlepped the packages back up the belt myself and told Kacy and QA guy that their argument didn't matter. And it truly didn't. Obviously the managers didn't care about something so trivial, or one of them would have come over and dealt with it rather than passing it off to Eric. I was sick of their stupid argument and just wanted both of them to shut up so that I could do my work in peace. Break time was announced over the loudspeaker, the belts stopped, and QA guy took this opportunity to rehash his argument, but direct it at me. Kacy left to get a pop, and QA guy wouldn't shut up. All I could do was repeat, "I DON'T CARE. NO ONE CARES. GO AWAY" to QA guy over and over. I eventually walked away, too, because I just couldn't take QA guy's whining, and my "no one cares" mantra was falling on deaf ears.
This is where the new word, futilitard, comes in. QA guy is officially a futilitard. He was on a retarded quest to accomplish a futile goal of settling Kacy's hash or convincing either of us that he was anything but a jerk with an attitude. But even when the utter futility of that goal was well established, he relentlessly pursued it anyway.
In the end, Eric came over, wasted his break time listening to the futilitard's rant, promptly ignored most of it, and then said to Kacy, "When you have time, bring the fixed boxes back up the belt." Which was what Kacy was going to do anyway, once the crushing tidal wave of boxes that he needed to load abated.
Oh, and so that you fully understand the futilitard in this story, he is a 50-something, weak-looking, 5-foot-6-inch guy who works the graveyard shift at a FedEx facility, taping up boxes that have been damaged in shipping. Obviously, not a winner. I would argue that his futilitardity is a direct cause of his current career path. Also: challenging 275-pound, 6-foot 22-year-olds to fight in the parking lot.
So please, feel free to use my new word: futilitard. After all, we all know someone (perhaps multiple somones), who just don't know when to drop it. They don't know when a battle isn't worth fighting in the first place, let alone when to give up on it. They can't tell that even if they were right in the first place, continuing the argument just makes everyone around them want to scream with frustration. I know that I will never again refer to that guy by his actual name, or even the somewhat dismissive "QA guy." He will always be futilitard prime to me.
fu·til·i·tard [fyoo-til-i-tard]
-noun, plural -tards. From the combination of the words futiltiy and retard.
1. An individual who continues to doggedly pursue an objective that has been established as having no chance of success.
2. An individual who does not understand the phrase, "pick your battles."
-adjective form: futilitardity
The story behind this new word:
There was a minor argument between my brother, who started working across the conveyor belt from me a few weeks ago, and one of the Quality Assurance (QA) guys who tapes up packages that were apparently packed by mentally handicapped monkeys and have broken open at some point during the shipping process. Anyway, once the QA guy tapes up the damaged boxes, he typically throws them back on the raised platform that the package handlers walk on while loading delivery trucks. Today, the QA guy decided to throw a couple of said boxes directly in Kacy's path as he was trying mightily to catch up with a really large amount of boxes coming down the conveyor belt. This impeded Kacy's progress and frustrated him, of course. These particular QA-fixed boxes needed to go all the way back to the beginning of the conveyor belt, while Kacy and I work at the very end of the belt. So Kacy told the QA guy to take the boxes to the beginning of the belt rather than expecting one of us to set aside our already backed-up work in order to schlep the boxes all the way up to the front of the belt. The QA guy did what all of the QA people that I have met there do: he copped a major attitude and started to tell Kacy to pick up the box and take it back up the belt. All the while, Kacy was still trying desperately to cope with the unrelenting stream of packages coming down the belt that he needed to load.
Somewhat understandably, Kacy got annoyed and stubborn, saying that he was not going to take the fixed boxes back up the belt, and that the QA guy could do it himself. I have also become really annoyed about being asked to do something that could wait while I am in the middle of a flood of boxes coming down the belt at me. I am going to try to abbreviate the story now. Kacy dug in his heels, the QA guy started yelling, Kacy yelled back, the QA guy started cursing at him, Kacy insulted him back, QA guy challenged Kacy to "settle this outside," Kacy tried to not laugh in his face, and the QA guy went off to find a manager to tattle to.
The managers have far better things to do than deal with snotty package handler attitudes and QA guy power trips, so they told the QA guy to take it up with the guy supervising our line (Eric). QA guy came back and essentially was saying that Kacy was going to get his hash settled now that management was involved. At this point, I couldn't stand the idiocy anymore and I intervened with a general, "WHO CARES?!?!?" I schlepped the packages back up the belt myself and told Kacy and QA guy that their argument didn't matter. And it truly didn't. Obviously the managers didn't care about something so trivial, or one of them would have come over and dealt with it rather than passing it off to Eric. I was sick of their stupid argument and just wanted both of them to shut up so that I could do my work in peace. Break time was announced over the loudspeaker, the belts stopped, and QA guy took this opportunity to rehash his argument, but direct it at me. Kacy left to get a pop, and QA guy wouldn't shut up. All I could do was repeat, "I DON'T CARE. NO ONE CARES. GO AWAY" to QA guy over and over. I eventually walked away, too, because I just couldn't take QA guy's whining, and my "no one cares" mantra was falling on deaf ears.
This is where the new word, futilitard, comes in. QA guy is officially a futilitard. He was on a retarded quest to accomplish a futile goal of settling Kacy's hash or convincing either of us that he was anything but a jerk with an attitude. But even when the utter futility of that goal was well established, he relentlessly pursued it anyway.
In the end, Eric came over, wasted his break time listening to the futilitard's rant, promptly ignored most of it, and then said to Kacy, "When you have time, bring the fixed boxes back up the belt." Which was what Kacy was going to do anyway, once the crushing tidal wave of boxes that he needed to load abated.
Oh, and so that you fully understand the futilitard in this story, he is a 50-something, weak-looking, 5-foot-6-inch guy who works the graveyard shift at a FedEx facility, taping up boxes that have been damaged in shipping. Obviously, not a winner. I would argue that his futilitardity is a direct cause of his current career path. Also: challenging 275-pound, 6-foot 22-year-olds to fight in the parking lot.
So please, feel free to use my new word: futilitard. After all, we all know someone (perhaps multiple somones), who just don't know when to drop it. They don't know when a battle isn't worth fighting in the first place, let alone when to give up on it. They can't tell that even if they were right in the first place, continuing the argument just makes everyone around them want to scream with frustration. I know that I will never again refer to that guy by his actual name, or even the somewhat dismissive "QA guy." He will always be futilitard prime to me.
That is really funny! It seems there is always somebody who wants to whine about something (and I probably, unfortunately, do the same thing on occasion). I have really tried to pick my battles, however- most things really aren't worth getting upset about- but I can picture you standing there getting so angry and turning red in the face listening to all of that!!!
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I don't know if I was getting red in the face, but I was certainly so annoyed that I was shaking a little bit. I just get so tired of the stupidity of some people's power trips. I have no patience for it any more.
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I am offended by your use of the word 'retarded' in your new word, as well as your reference to mentally handicapped monkeys. Mentally handicapped monkeys can be some of the sweetest, most innocent monkeys, and it is so heartless of you to pick on them like that. It's because of people like you in this world that mentally handicapped monkeys are constantly being treated unfairly in the working environment, even if they're the hardest, most dedicated workers. Shame on you! For the love!
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